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Welcome to Chuckle City "It might not be the best Liberty, but it's good for a laugh" |
We welcome contributions! (of chuckles) |
After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new
apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom
where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. 'What's that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.. 'It's not a gong It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied. 'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend. 'YUP, it is' replied the drunk. 'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it. 'Watch,' the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment... Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You ASSHOLE! It's 3:15 in the MORNING!' |
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw his patient walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" His patient replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, "I didn't say that... I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful." |
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FOF (Found on Facebook) |
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To Every Sailor A Challenge... |
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The Girl Across The Street I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I
just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get
drunk, and get laid tonight. Are you doing anything?"* |
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When you’re over seventy...............who cares? This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********** When you’re over seventy..............who cares? *********** I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night. When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********** When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********* When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********** When you’re over seventy...............who cares? |
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With thanks to Dave Evans (BT2 58-62) |
An Ode to Midrats
By: John Petersen
"Six in the eve, I’m just
getting off watch.
The pit is theirs for the
next six hours, they can have it,
‘Roused from a deep
slumber, the messenger calling your name,
It growls, it grunts, it
tells you who’s in charge, therefore I pray…
You have seen the need, as
well as the heartfelt hunger and need,
The all renowned Chili Mac,
maybe some scrambled egg soup,
Gotta keep the Ol’ girl going, straight and forward as the orders go, |
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5 p.m. Her name's Louise. She's 5'4", about 125 lbs., good cook and makes $130,000 a year.
She will be the one in the white dress... |
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The Chief and the IRS The IRS decides to audit an old Navy BMCM, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when the Chief showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and only a retirement check, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says the Chief. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." The Chief says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet." The Chief removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. The Chief says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can tell the Chief isn't blind, so he takes the bet. The Chief removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with the Chief's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" the Chief asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. The Chief stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. the Chief's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Chief told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it! |
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