Homepage - USS Rich

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals.
Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country."

Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me
than a French one behind me."

General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer
hunting without your accordion."

Norman Schwartzkopf

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
                                  Jacques Chirac,
                                  President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
                                  Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when
the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."

Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and
not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens
of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and
drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish
than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey?
I don't know."

P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do
something about it."

Marge Simpson

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an
aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to
dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."

John McCain, U.S. Senator

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam
Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses,
and he wears a beret. He is French, people!"

Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France
won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France
wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either."

Jay Leno

"The only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."

Ted Nugent

"War without the help of France would be like ... uh ... World War II."

Tom Brokaw

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that
exerted more of its national will fighting against
DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?"

Dennis Miller

"It is important to remember that the French have
always been there when they needed us."

Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida.
To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep
duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses
in the house."

Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle
that was being advertised on eBay the other day --
the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"

Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've
proven we've found truffles in Iraq."

Dennis Miller

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend
Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."

Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer
France in WWII? And that's because it was raining."

John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government
announced after the London bombings that it has raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher
levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in
the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003 --
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris. The display caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army
as they entered the city in WWII?
A. "Table for 100,000 m'sieur?"

Raise your right hand if you like the French.
Raise both your hands if you are French.